Carol's Corner

Every puzzle has edge pieces. On a square or rectangular puzzle, the outside edge will be smooth, allowing it to be easily identified as an edge piece. This is the only part of a puzzle that makes sense to me as I look over the sea of pieces.

Each person’s life has many parts and needs. To me they represent the puzzle pieces of our lives. Each person has certain needs in common. We all need food, clothing, shelter, love and acceptance. These remind me of the edge pieces, easily identifiable and the first to be set into place.

Some of us need a few extra things in our lives to help us function – more as we age. I have worn glasses for a number of years but almost two years ago I finally had my hearing tested. I hated asking people to repeat what they said or having a blank look on my face when someone waited for an answer to a question I had not even heard. Hearing aids became a new puzzle piece added to my life. It took a while to get used to them but I do not miss as many things happening around me.

Occasionally, we have short term special needs. I have broken my ankle and needed a cast and crutches. Crutches and I did not get along very well at all and I gratefully set them aside after only a few days when the walking cast supported my ankle and allowed more mobility. A few years later I had to renew my acquaintance with crutches, along with a knee brace to support a broken knee. For six weeks I could not put weight on that right leg. I lived in a town house with many stairs and I needed to learn to accept a lot of help. But, even though I needed those extra sticks to help me move, the duration proved to be short in relation to the rest of my life.

Possibly the times where we end up with special needs, short term requirements to aid in our daily life, we gain an understanding, an empathy for those who live with mobility aids, medications, need of daily help or any other special need, for their entire lives. Does it give us an insight into life that is different than we are used to? Will it help us include those who are not just like us?

Our lives are full of puzzle pieces of different sizes, shapes and colours. Some we have in common with everyone else like the basic needs. Others might be part of our lives for a season or permanently. I can look confusing. It can be frustrating. It can seem hopeless to make sense of the hundreds of pieces spread before you but there is hope. I am grateful that God knows where each piece needs to fit even when I don’t.

What pieces are you trying to figure out how they fit into your life?

Do you enjoy setting puzzle pieces together?

I am not an avid, or even occasional puzzle lover. I look at all the little pieces, often with similar colours and wonder where to even begin without picking up dozens of pieces to try in the same spot, well at least after the edge pieces. As a little girl, I would stand beside my dad’s chair as he picked up each little piece spread out on the table in front of him. He would examine it, turn it different directions in his hand and then try to attach it to other pieces of the picture he had begun to make. Often it seemed to me that he simply knew which piece to pick up and did not have to try dozens before finding the right one. I never figured out how he often seemed to find the right one without very little effort.
With his evening of puzzling complete, he simply laid the table cloth back over his work, leaving the table accessible for meals and his work undisturbed until the next time he found time to work on it. This love of setting a puzzle together stayed with him through out his life. At ninety years old, he still passed the time at the puzzle table, enjoying the task and the visits with other like minded individuals. His competitive nature edged to the forefront when he wanted to be the one to put the last piece in place and finish the picture.
As I thought about my father and his love of puzzles, it reminded me of life. Sometimes our life might seem like it is fragmented or shattered into thousands of tiny, jagged pieces. The colours look like they might belong together but various shapes, with edges and holes begging to be joined to the right fitting piece. We can’t see the entire scene and we are working blind – there is no box with a copy of what the finished product should look like.

Our lives have many different components and how they fit together to make a complete picture might seem like a puzzle. At times the pieces fit together easily, snuggly and beautifully. Yet there are times when the tough stuff comes along, the pieces become difficult to find their place and we despair of seeing the big picture. At times I feel like one of the pieces might be missing. But when I trusted God, He always supplied what I needed but in His time and in His way which often looks so different than my own. He is the only one who knows the complete picture of my life.

This month I want to look at some of the puzzle pieces that pop into our lives and how, in the midst of uncertainty we can find a small flicker of hope. Join me in a journey to discover how the puzzle pieces of life fit together to make our own unique picture – one of contrasts, beauty and unexpected results.

We planned to take a holiday last summer but plans had to change and we postponed it until this year. We checked the calendar, searched for information and plotted our journey on a map. Excitement grew as the day for leaving approached. We loaded the packed bags into the car and double checked that we had our passports and maps before hitting the road.

I tell people it turned out to be a bit of a literary journey. We have traveled the highway from Saskatoon to Winnipeg many times so I spent the eight hours brainstorming some easy children’s stories, updates to a fiction piece and finally pulled out the computer and began to work on the fiction book in progress.

Getting ideas on to the paper or into the computer made the first part of the trip disappear a little more quickly. But then I packed the work away to enjoy the jaunt into unfamiliar territory.

We crossed into North Dakota on the second day of our adventure and began with a stop at Drayton, North Dakota. This small community is built on the banks of the Red River and just across the river lies Minnesota.

My youngest daughter, Amee, and I like to read the multiple series of books that author Lauraine Snelling has written. She made a fictional family who immigrated from Norway and settled in the area around modern day Drayton. A fictional town grows as more settlers arrive in the area, a town she called Blessing. Today Drayton is the closest small town to the setting for the fictional town and they have a small museum and partner with the author for people for whom this fictional family and place have come to life through the author’s words.

The town has built a sod house like the pioneers of this area and many others lived in when they first arrived since this area had few trees. They needed to make a house out of available materials. I did some research into the labour intensive process of putting up a sod house. It took at least 3000 bricks of sod for a sixteen by twenty or twenty-four building. This gave me the opportunity to look at one close up, walk inside and smell the dust and dirt they lived with every day. It helped me imagine the size since I struggle with picturing just how large or small these dimensions would be in reality.

This museum site has planted trees and grass and makes the old sod house look pleasant enough from the outside. However, life in the late 1800’s proved much harsher than present day settings. Besides it is one thing to visit and it would have been quite another to live in a dirt or sod house every day, working hard to provide the basic necessities of life.

My daughter, Amee looks tentative as she sat at the table in the sod house with dirt at her back and under her feet.
They also had a log house, an original that they only needed to restore a few logs on. It looked like a mansion in comparison to the sod home. This log cabin had at some point received an upper story and we found out had actually been lived in until the 1980’s.

The modern bathroom – an original log outhouse moved to the site.

This first stop on our adventure brought the books to life even more than the words Lauraine Snelling penned. For me, it gave opportunity to research artifacts and types of housing from years gone by. It also offered a chance to make our own memories for the day.

Our day finished with touring around the area and arriving in Grand Forks for the night.

What holiday adventures have you had this year or where are you planning to visit?

What constitutes adventure in your life? There are times our family has lived an adventurous life – at least other people tell me when they hear some of my stories. This city girl married a farm boy almost forty-three years ago and our adventure together began.

We had both trained as teachers and needed a job in the same place. The solution meant leaving city life and farm living to journey to the remote Northern Saskatchewan fly in community of Wollaston Post. My position involved teaching kindergarten to students who arrived at school knowing two words of English – teacher and toilet. My husband would teach grade one.

This community had no telephone, no television and inconsistent radio reception. It boasted a five room school, one store, a nursing station and a Roman Catholic mission as well as an airstrip. Dogs outnumbered people in August of 1977 when we arrived since most of the community trusted dogs to pull sleds better than these new fangled machines called skidoos.

The scheduled flight arrived twice a week, brining people, supplies and mail. The heavy items, non perishable items needed to be ordered to arrive by truck across the winter road. However, when we arrived and visited the store to buy our groceries, the shelves were bare. The previous manager had forgot to get the proper ordering done and the expense of flying in groceries made the cost of buying them too high. The people still hunted, fished and trapped but we came with nothing. For the next six weeks we lived on canned bacon, canned ham and SPAM. I borrowed some flour and sugar and paid the price to acquire groceries arriving each week – not much and very pricey. We stayed in this community for three years, teaching school, starting our family and having adventures I had never thought about before I began to experience life in the North, in the middle of a different culture.

I have begun taking a trip down memory lane, reliving past adventures even as new ones are being planned. It has been interesting to reminisce with my husband and gather his memories to compile a more rounded glimpse into our past.

I have told the stories to the amazement of my children, grandchildren and friends. Now I am beginning to write them down to pass on the next generations so they can try and picture our adventurous life.

Have you had a few adventures during your life’s journey? Are you sharing them with family, friends and other people?

Sometimes ideas race through my mind, begging to escape, to be used in creative endeavors. I long to shut myself off from the rest of life and pursue them before they vanish. Yet many times the practical obligations or fun memory making moments do not allow time to devote to creative pursuits. Then I jot down an idea, a phrase, a thought or anything that might help me keep the creativity alive for another time or day. Too often I jotted them on a piece of paper I could not find when I wanted to and began, this year, to keep the in a notebook. I might have to thumb through each page but will find what I am looking for eventually. Sometimes, along the way, other ideas pop out at me, leading me on a journey of creativity.

There are times the chaos of life crashes the creativity. Ideas hide in the dark recesses of my memory, unwilling to make an appearance. The blank computer screen taunts me when I attempt to write a blog post, short story or even some family history. I need to leave the creative expression and work on the practical, necessary life events requiring my attention, hoping to calm the chaos and allow creativity to reappear.

There are times in my life I do nothing with the ideas except write them down. I procrastinate. I hesitate. I allow fear to captivate me instead of creativity. My husband, Brian, commented one day, “You start a project and then put it on the shelf instead of completing it or doing anything else with it. You need to take things off the shelf and finish them. You need to quit putting them on the shelf in the first place.”

My first reaction to his words did not include agreement. I thought about it for a few days and finally realized he had a valid point. I looked at my to do list of creative projects. Some had been started and shelved. Others never made it past a single idea to work on later. A few had made it to completion with positive results.

I asked myself some hard questions. How long had I shelved projects? The answer turned out to be most of my adult life. On occasion it happened because of unforeseen circumstances, things beyond my control. But too often it happened due to a lack of confidence and a great deal of procrastination.

This year I have begun honestly assessing the ideas. Which ones might be worth taking back off the shelf and pursuing. I have to get second opinions from trusted friends because I do not trust my own judgement about the merit of a project. Other times, as I read the ideas or look at partially finished work, sparks of creativity tumble out and I know the direction I need to go.

Is it easy to revisit long shelved creative projects? Not always. Does life still intrude on those times I long to simply shut myself away and be creative? Absolutely and yet I need to learn patience rather than procrastination. It’s past due to revisit the shelf, unearth the thoughts of an earlier time and allow myself time to explore where creativity may lead.

How about you? Do you struggle with shelving projects for later or do you show your talents? How do you organize your time to find the balance between creativity and mundane life chores? How do you fit time for memory moments which may lead to further ideas bouncing around your mind, eager to escape?

Have you ever had a time when you wished you could do something like another person? I have – many times, too many times over the years. I always wanted to play the piano like my Aunt Sophie or my mom’s cousin Joanne. But although I learned to play the piano acceptably, I never attained my coveted goal.

I wanted to be able to sew like my mother or several friends I met along the way who could create amazing clothes, quilts, decorative pieces and even doll clothes. But although I learned the basics of sewing and could do some simple things, I struggled with the imperfections I always noticed. Sewing did not energize me.

I admired and yes became jealous at times of my friends ability to decorate her home to look like a magazine spread and yet still be homey. Mine never looked and still doesn’t look like that. Another friend has the gift of hospitality of which I have often been the recipient. But although I love to visit with people I never remember to offer them a cup of coffee and always wonder if my house is too messy for them to be comfortable.

You get the idea – I compare myself to others and find myself lacking. I am not the housekeeper my mother or her sisters were. I have a black thumb, even though my mother and her mother before her could grow anything. How often have I looked at what I can not do as well as someone else and feel like a failure or become jealous.

My husband, Brian, encourages me to look at what I can do – what God has gifted me to do. He reminds me to believe what others tell me about the positives they see in my life. I talked to my Aunt Sophie several months ago and discovered, in the course of our conversation, that she always felt like she could never measure up to her sisters or to other people she admired. I had a hard time believing her – this was the aunt I admired for her piano playing, her housekeeping, her gardening and her quiet love for God and family. I shared with her my insecurities and her answer was, “But you were so smart in your studies. You went far in school and learned things easily.”

God has gifted each one of us. We are unique individuals with our own skills and abilities. If all of us were amazing musicians where would the homemakers, bakers, artists and carpenters be? I have to look at the positives that others see in me when I do not always see them for myself.

I read a devotional that talked about gift envy and knew this fit with what I felt so often. I need to thank God for my abilities and be available to use them – He gave them to me for a purpose. God has a plan for each of our lives – uniquely suited to who He created us to be and the tasks He has planned for us.

I have begun to look at what I do – what I love to do – what energizes me and what I have received positive feedback on. Now I need to be thankful for the ability to study, to learn, to speak and yes even to write stories that will touch the hearts and lives of other people. I believe God has given me the ability to connect through stories with others. I need only trust Him, be available and leave the insecurities and jealousy where they belong – forgiven and hidden by God.

What about you? What skills and abilities do you have? What energizes you? If you struggle with identifying them – ask a trusted friend or two what they see as your abilities. Then go out and enjoy being you as you use those skills, abilities and gifts. Let’s count our blessings instead of someone else’s

Masks, some beautiful creations – bejeweled, trimmed in feathers and brilliant colours, hide the wearer’s identity. They can serve a purpose at a fun masked party or ball. They might work well in an artistic dramatic event or even grace the walls of our homes to add beauty and mystery.

Yet how often do we don another form of mask? We hide behind the words, “I’m fine.” when the reality of our situation is devastating, hurtful or fear filled. We paste on a smile that does not reach our eyes and hope no one notices the lack of a sparkle in our eyes or bounce in our step. We talk of superficial things like weather or our week’s activities and never go deeper – into how we feel, what we are thinking and definitely never sharing our heart’s needs.

We cover ourselves with protective masks, longing for love and kindness but not knowing how to open up, maybe even to our trusted friends. Or maybe the hurts of life have forced us to cover ourselves, to withdraw in case no one understands or adds to our pain. Insecurities dictate a mask – that face which keeps others at bay.

I am not a poet – never claim to be one and yet I tried my hand at this during a time when I felt vulnerable. Life events had made me wonder if a mask might be the way to go. My friends must be tired of hearing about the daily struggles.

Masks

Gorgeous masterpiece of protective beauty
Snuggly fitting,
Invisible edges hiding its existence
My constant companion
Firmly fixed smile,
Eyes devoid of twinkles

Vulnerability hidden beneath its shadow
Allowing no one in
Striving for safety
A sense of control
Giving the impression life is good.

Safe in the stillness of evening
Locked away at home
The mask slips off
Laid aside for tomorrow’s adventure

I peer at my naked face
Cracks mar its surface
I weep at the void of care and love
Crumbling me to dust

The snug fitting mask
Invisible lines hiding its existence
Gorgeous masterpiece of protective beauty
Is the death of me.

I never found the words to talk about leaving the mask behind and finding healing for the cracks yet I know this is necessary. In life I have friends who do not tire of hearing about the real me with all my faults, struggles and discouraging life events. They also encourage me, pray for me and keep on loving me for who I am.
I am blessed with a husband who loves me as I am – each wrinkle, foible and encourages me to be the person God gifted me to be.

How about you? Are you struggling with taking off the mask and being real? Do you have people in your life who will enourage you and who love you for who you are and what they know God has gifted you to be? I pray it is so.

Have you ever had a makeover? Did you have a change of hairstyle or colour, or maybe some wardrobe updates? A few years ago I knew I needed a lifestyle makeover – a time to change my behaviours with my eating and getting more active. My asthma had been under control for at least two years which meant I should be more active to strengthen my lungs and yet giving myself the push I needed had not seemed to work. I shared with two friends from church that I needed to make these changes for the good of my health. I had to start looking after myself so I could be ready to help others and have energy for tasks God put in my path.

The fear of sharing with someone else kept others from knowing how to pray for and encourage me. To my surprise both of these friends had decided they also needed to make changes – do a makeover for their physical well being. We began an accountability group. Each week we shared a devotional time together, let each other know our goals so they could ask the right questions and finally, were completely honest with each other about our weight, our struggles and our successes. For me that portion had been the most intimidating part and yet it turned out to be the push I needed to begin a new journey.

I had to check my insecurities at the door, open up and allow God to work in my life through these two ladies. I wish I could tell you I succeeded in reaching my ultimate goal but I allowed pain and life events to derail me. I forgot to take the tough stuff to God. I gave up and the person who got hurt was me.

Now, almost four years later these two friends and a few others are all in a season where we desire to keep each other encouraged and accountable. We have embarked on another makeover for our physical well being but also include a Bible study time to refresh our spiritual lives. The Bible verse tells us that iron sharpens iron.

I knew I needed to make some changes in my eating habits and activity levels now that my asthma had once again settled down. I procrastinated for a few months and now stepped up and admitted how I felt like a failure. My friends assured me that failure did not have to be the end, nor did I need to remain stuck in such a place. God is able to take my messes, my failures and turn them around if I only give them to Him.

Makeovers for my hair or my wardrobe can be fun. A physical, lifestyle makeover is hard work. I am grateful for each person God has put into my life to encourage me, keep me accountable and pray for me. I need to do the same for them.

What make over are you working on? Do you have a friend or group of friends that walks the journey with you, encourages you and gives you that proverbial kick in the butt when you need it? Take time to share the goals you are making for this season of your life with a trusted friend and let them keep you accountable. Happy journey in whatever makeover you are engaged in. Today really is the first day of the rest of your life.

Do you ever wish you could simply run away for a day or two? Maybe a retreat in order to take time to reflect, regroup and be renewed? There are times I want to retreat from the busy activities of everyday life and have the opportunity to simply be. But life does not always allow us to do that. Yet I find myself longing for a renewal that simply comes with making time to be in God’s Word, listen to uplifting music and be encouraged that God is always right here – He is never too busy – only I get that way.

How do I make time to be renewed mentally, emotionally and spiritually? To be honest, it is something I have been wrestling with over the last few months. I know that if I am in a spiritually dry place the mental and emotional aspects to who I am also are in a down place and tears will be close. Too often I allow life’s activities, the needs of family or simply discouragement get in the way of time to read my Bible, listen to music and reflect on the promises of God.

How can I overcome this? I need to set aside time each day for the reading and simply put music on even when I write. I know from past experience how refreshing this is. It quenches the dryness of the desert and encourages me to know I am not alone.

I simply need to run to Jesus, trust in God with all my heart and make time to hear from Him through His word.
What do you do to refresh your mental, emotional and spiritual life?

I am not a minimalist. I do not think I am a hoarder either but my tendencies lie somewhere in between the two extremes. I enjoy having more things around – clutter to some – than many other people do. Yet I have downsized often as we moved from one community to another or to different locations within the same community.

I love to tell the stories associated with many of my possessions. In fact, the story is as important as the prettiness of the piece. I use them as illustrations, to share family history with my grandchildren and simply to entertain a visitor or when I give a speech.
These little china ornamental shoes have often been the object of a story, a lesson, an illustration and a source of a fond memory of my grandmother. For now I have decluttered as much as I want to. It does not mean some items will not leave my house in the future. As I get older I realize it might be a good idea to share more stories and items with interested family members.

However, there are other places and things in my apartment that need to be carefully sorted through and I need to ask myself tough questions such as why do I have this piece? The clothes closet and dresser drawers fall into this category. I used to hang on to clothes I no longer wore. I know there are posts about paring a wardrobe down to less than fifty items but I know this is not me. I have sorted the clothes in our home and donated still good, useable items so others can benefit. If it does not fit, I have not worn it all year or I do not love it, why keep it. Sometimes I hang on to a few pieces just in case and later wonder why?

For the last few years ladies in our church have organized a clothing give away for people in our community. Many people living close to the church are immigrants or from a low economic demographic. It is a great way to bless others and have a chance to visit with and encourage those who live around us. This also offers an incentive to take a good look through our clothing and see what we can share with others. Nothing that is worn, tattered or stained makes it to the give away tables which I appreciate.

Spring is here and before heading out to enjoy the warm weather and outdoor activities I think it might be time to refresh the inside of my home and bless someone else with useable clothing and other items.

How about you? Are you a minimalist, a hoarder or do you fit somewhere in between? What do you do to organize and refresh your closets, drawers and home?