Carol's Corner

Our lives have many pieces to them. At times they blur together in a massive pile, waiting to be sorted out. At other times they blend together with similar colours, textures, designs. Two puzzle pieces of all our lives are family and community. They are combinations of both the light and shadows of our picture. Both can offer support, great memories, encouragement but they can also introduce conflict, struggles and despair.

I often tried to get my father to tell me more about his early life, growing up on the farm. His usual reply, “I don’t remember.” Yet this man could tell me every vehicle he ever owned including the year he bought it, the colour, make and model. He told me about every semi truck he drove during his career. As a youngster and into my teens he took me to visit friends and relatives that had been part of his entire life. He showed me where he lived but details of life he avoided talking about.

A few years ago I took him to visit his sister. Both had lost their spouses and shared a deep shadow of life in common. My aunt started to talk about their lives as children and teens. She would start a story and then say, “You remember that don’t you?”
He often just shook his head, much to her dismay. Finally he joined in sharing some memories. There were a few humorous ones but many deep shadows of a sick father, hard times on the farm and my dad having to be the “man of the family” at a young age made me realize how he had blocked those tough things from his mind. Yet they were part of who he was and they helped shape who he became as a man, husband, father and grandfather.

In the months before my mother passed away she decided to share some stories from her childhood and youth. I had heard bits and pieces. Her sister begged her to record more details. She told us she did not remember many details but when she finally began the telling of the story, I discovered how much she truly remembered. She had many shadows and hard times but she also experienced the community of extended family, community and her church. I heard of the hard work she needed to do and the year long adventure she experienced as well. Everything made her into the kind, compassionate, quiet person I knew.

Family memories include the community to which that family belonged or various ones they were involved with throughout their lives. Memories include the good, the bad, and the ugly along with the beautiful, tender and enjoyable.

My children and grandchildren are now asking me to share my memories – both good and bad. I have to pause and remember how much I wanted to learn my parents’ and grandparents’ stories and have begun to share my own puzzle pieces of life.

What family memories do you like to share? Which ones would you rather bury deeply, forgetting they are part of what has made you the person you are today?